Abscission

by Eva Kinnebrew

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about

Written through and about Santa Ana winds, Chicago snow storms, and sandy Maryland afternoons.

This album is dedicated to Bryn Watkins.

Track art taken by Eva Kinnebrew with the Stone Edge Telescope.

credits

released December 28, 2014

Lyrics, composition, recording, mixing, vocals and all instrumentals by Eva Kinnebrew.

Cover photograph by Bryn Watkins.

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Eva Kinnebrew Chicago, Illinois

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Track Name: Celestial Spheres
You’re too calm and it’s not right
You sip your coffee in the light
Of the booth and, oh, the truth is
Never easy with

You talk quickly about your day
But you never have that much to say
Besides your papers, besides your major
If I were stronger I’d give up

But we were not alone
We were jobless, futureless
We were living off the pity of our folks

But yes we were in love
And the stars breathed lullabies
Through dirty skies for us
For us, for us

You can’t focus on anything
Your mind wanders your eyes don’t see
That I’m trying, that I’m dying
To make it right with

Your head’s buried in your books
I try to talk but you don’t look
Cause I’m a given, I’m a constant
I’ve been obtained so I’m forgot

But we were not alone
We were jobless, futureless
We were living off the pity of our folks

But yes we were in love
And the moon spoke miracles
Through sighed parables for us
For us, for us

But we were not alone
Even when we had nothing
We had everything
We could ever want and more

But yes we were in love
And if you ever say otherwise
The celestial spheres will forever mourn
For us, for us
For us, for us
Track Name: Self Destruction
You fall asleep in a blink
You don’t think, you just fall
And I lie awake trying to space these
Tossings and turnings all night long

I’m afraid I’m losing it all
And I don’t know how much longer I can last
Until self destruction has consumed me in full
And I’m left cold like the rest

Is this what you wanted?
To take me all in full
To take me as something to mold
And are you happy yet?
I don’t even recognize what’s left

I’ve been pulling out my hair
Nervously losing it all
And starving myself when I’m hungry
Just to succumb after all

And I’m scarred head to toe
With days I’d rather forget
And now my body is just a show
Of you and my regrets

Is this what you wanted?
To take me as your own
To take me as something to mold
And are you happy yet?
I don’t even recognize what’s left

Is this what you wanted?
To take me all in full
To take me as something to mold
And are you happy yet?
I don’t even recognize what’s left

Is this what you wanted?
Are you happy yet?
Is this what you wanted?
I don’t even recognize what’s left
Track Name: Lose You
So darling, Darling speaks in roses
Darling speaks in lotuses in bloom
And darling, Darling hears what he wants to
And the rest he assumes

But it’s in my genes
I’ve learned from the masters to lie and cheat
To pickpocket the unsuspecting
And I’ll love you to the moon and back
But don’t let that distract you

Oh, be with me, but don’t be with me
Whatever you do
Oh, trust in me, but don’t trust in me
I will only use you
Let me lose you

So if Darling could, he would save the world
He would catch every falling tree
But Papa said pick your battles so carefully

Cause I’m a shallow bloodletter
I’m a callous storyteller
I’m a broken dreamer
And I’ll love you to the moon and back
But don’t let that distract you

Oh, be with me, but don’t be with me
Whatever you do
Oh, trust in me, but don’t trust in me
I will only use you
Let me protect you, let me use you
Track Name: Binds
So my sister weeps for the morning
And I weep at the sight
And she dreams of releasing her burden
Releasing both the grunt and the light

And she lives out west where postmen won’t go
She envies my home in the sun
She struggles to find the words to say
To her husband and son

Oh words and binds that stick
Around in minds and contracts thick
Oh faith that this will work
Oh pray to end our search

Darling, don’t go
Darling, you’re not alone
Darling, come home
Darling, don’t go

She spends her days outside in the cold
Remembering promises she’s made
She swore she wouldn’t be the one
To repeat our parents’ mistakes

I visit her when I can
I find her in the garden alone
Before I leave her husband says to me,
“I love her, but take her home”

Oh words and binds that stick
Around in minds and contracts thick
Oh faith that this will work
Oh pray to end our search
Track Name: Mistakes
So you go and tattoo your skin
So everyone knows where you’ve been
And you do it in color, so we can see better
Your battles and your sins

So you go and carve through your home
Getting sick from the dust and the mold
And you swear that you’re fine, as you drift in and out of time
But really you’re just scared and alone

But remember when you gave back your heart?
Still beating in your hand
Oh it was all your fault
These mistakes will kill you in the end

So you go and quit your part-time job
You say money can’t sustain you for long
And you do it with a smile, cause you’re smug and because you’re vile
Cause you want everyone to cry along

So you go walk naked through the snow
Cause you’re a goddamn poet and they should know
That this hole in your chest, oh it’s real and oh it festers
And, oh, you’re so cold

But remember when you gave back your heart?
Still beating in your hand
Oh it was all your fault
These mistakes will kill you in the end

But remember when you gave back your heart?
Still beating in your hand
Oh it was all your fault
These mistakes will kill you in the end
These mistakes will kill you in the end
These mistakes will kill you in the end
Track Name: Fools
A long time coming but we were blind
To rosy cheeks and toothy smiles
Skipping school and sipping warmth by the lake
Enduring frozen toes just to stay

Oh, Baby, I’ve been fool
And, Baby, you’ve been one too
Oh, I’ve been a fool
Oh, you’ve been one too

A long time coming but we were deaf
To lonely sighs and labored breaths
Everything’s a competition with us
And I’m tired I’ve had enough

Oh, Baby, I’ve been fool
And, Baby, you’ve been one too
Oh, I’ve been a fool
Oh, you’ve been one too

A long time coming but now I know
That we were just kids needing to grow
Two years late but now I’m willing to say
That I was a fool for letting you go

All the punches all the kicks
Jealousy and defensiveness
All I know is that I’m happier with
You and all our senselessness

I’ve been fool
And, Baby, you’ve been one too
Oh, I’ve been a fool
Oh, you’ve been one too
We’ve been such fools

All the punches all the kicks
Jealousy and defensiveness
All I know is that I’m happier with
You and all our senselessness
Track Name: Three Months
She’s lighting candles and nervously folding clothes
Packing bags like we don’t know
That this is more than just a weekend trip
Hands shaky, we lose our grip

Hide and seek
I’m just searching for longevity
Like I was promised like I want to believe
But nothing lasts I’ve come to see

Liquid courage hides in empty dorms
Chicago winters you need something to keep you warm
Mistaken limits, you drift away
In stuffy rooms you decay

Hide and seek
I’m just searching for longevity
But we’re just breath and we’re just flesh that tends to bleed
And nothing lasts I’ve come to see

Three months by your side
Three months to internalize
That in three months we go and live separate lives
Three months and then goodbye

Three months by your side
Three months to internalize
That in three months we go and live separate lives
Three months and then goodbye

Hide and seek
I’m just searching for longevity
In the arms of those who have to leave
But nothing lasts I’ve come to see

Hide and seek
I’m just searching for longevity
But we’re just breath and we’re just flesh that tends to bleed
And nothing lasts I’ve come to see
Track Name: Rivers through the Earth
Red, jagged lines on the skin of our youth
And they run like rivers through the Earth
Thorns and nails that’ll carve deep these trails
And leave us bloodied in the dirt

Carry on
You can’t move forward
If you keep nursing all these
Bruises and your scars
Oh, carry on

Wide, gaping lies that seduce us and try to
Hallow us down to the core
Shivers and fears of policemen and years
That have passed but still erode more

Carry on
You can’t move forward
If you keep nursing all our
Bruises and our scars
Oh, carry on
Track Name: Tie Your Shoes
Tie your shoes, you’ve been a child for too long
You pout your lips, kick heels, you cry to your mom
But leave your home, the ones that matter will remain
And don’t you fret memories do not change

Think your thoughts, Baby, I know that you can
And for what you believe take a stand
And leave your home, the ones that matter will remain
And don’t you fret memories do not change
Track Name: Skin and Bones
Lady goes to beaches to get tossed around and eaten
To get drowned, to get sucked in by the tide
Lady goes to Berkeley, hitched a ride to New York City
Asks a homeless teen to sleep by her side

Lady went to Paris on a whim, didn’t tell her parents
Live out of dumpsters and off of new friends
In a group she’s quiet, one on one she’s a riot
She spills memories and proverbs from the Seine

But skin and bones
She knows, she knows
Skin and bones
She goes, she goes

Raised on a farm in Jersey she was out of there by thirteen
Left her brothers, left her sisters, left the church
Her mother cried in curlers, Lady just ignored her
So she lit and fumed upon the porch

Lady won’t look back, she won’t stumble or crack
Beneath the pressures of the norm
Cause Lady is a light and she’ll shine and she’ll fight
Despite blisters and burns

Skin and bones
She knows, she knows
Skin and bones
She goes, she goes

Skin and bones
She knows, she knows
Skin and bones
She goes, she goes